On music, friendship and catfish

So a funny incident happened this week that makes me reflect on friendship.  I’ll be traveling in a few weeks to see family back East. It’s been quite a while since we’ve been able to gather due to the pandemic, but now that I’m fully vaxed I’m heading out. I realized my schedule had a gap and thought it would be fun to see a few friends that I’ve known for decades while I’m in the area. I texted my friend with my schedule to see if she was available. Not only was she available, she contacted a few more high school friends to gather as well. I was thrilled at the thought of this mini-reunion. Yesterday I got a text from my friend telling me where to park and that she was waiting at the table in the corner.

WHAT!!! You are gathering TODAY???

Yes, we’re all here waiting for you.

I gasped at the obvious misunderstanding and my phone rang immediately. All my friends were gathered, waiting for me 1500 miles away. My friend who coordinated our gathering somehow overlooked the date when I said I would be there, paying more attention to the day of the week, which was exactly two weeks from that moment. Oh how we laughed when she held up the phone so we could all hear each other! We all have such busy lives and sometimes a detail or two will slip and mistakes happen. But true friends accept each other without getting angry.

If you have spent many years knowing another person, building a history together, understanding their ups and downs and approach to life, your own life is enriched in incalculable ways. Some of my most precious memories of friendship revolve around music, be it live performances or sharing a favorite album. Whether you are attending a concert with your friend or making music with your friend, you are sharing an experience of depth and transcendence. That thing that happens to us when we listen to great music? It is happening to someone else at the same time, and that is quite the bond. Some of my sweetest memories with my spouse are when we were enraptured with music, falling deeper in love.

Thinking on friendship that lasts, I was reminded of Yo-Yo Ma and Emanuel Ax. They met as young students at Julliard in the 1970s, played music together, and continued a friendship that has lasted for all these decades. And to hear them tell it, they know each other so well it spills over into how they create music. In my previous post, they perform Beethoven’s Cello Sonata #3 in a vintage recording from 1985. In 2020 they played the exact same piece again in an homage to both sadness and joy during that pandemic year. This very uplifting music was ironically dedicated with the phrase “amid tears and sorrow,” which is what Beethoven wrote in the inscription to HIS friend, Ignaz von Gleichenstein, one of the few persons with whom Beethoven experienced true friendship. Is it any wonder why Ma and Ax chose this piece to perform during the pandemic? Amid tears and sorrow, we need uplifting music. And we need our friends.

There is a wonderful video of these two brilliant musicians discussing their friendship, the pandemic, and Beethoven Sadly I can’t embed the video but please click this link to watch. (and it is totally worth the wait because you’ll probably be forced to watch an advertisement) https://www.newyorker.com/video/watch/the-new-yorker-festival-yo-yo-ma-and-emanuel-ax-discuss-the-optimism-in-beethovens-work “Familiarity breeds more and more amazement” is their quote that describes their relationship with Beethoven, friendship with each other and this sonata. And here is another example of these two friends playing an impromptu socially-distanced concert at a farmer’s market.

In celebration of the friendship of Yo-Yo Ma and Emanuel Ax, Beethoven and Ignaz von Gleichenstein, and my laughing zany friends, here is a poem by Richard Brautigan, best known for his groundbreaking novel, Trout Fishing in America.

Your Catfish Friend

If I were to live my life
in catfish forms
in scaffolds of skin and whiskers
at the bottom of a pond
and you were to come by
   one evening
when the moon was shining
down into my dark home
and stand there at the edge
   of my affection
and think, “It’s beautiful
here by this pond.  I wish
   somebody loved me,”
I’d love you and be your catfish
friend and drive such lonely
thoughts from your mind
and suddenly you would be
   at peace,
and ask yourself, “I wonder
if there are any catfish
in this pond?  It seems like
a perfect place for them.”

Here’s what I love about this poem and what it says about friendship.  A friend can be ugly as a catfish, but if they care about you and spend time with you, looks don’t matter. True friends drive the dark thoughts from your mind and bring joy. You don’t even have to see your friend or talk that often, just rest in the fact that they care. A true friend is always there, “standing at the edge of your affection.” And sometimes, that is enough.

Until next time, reflect on your friends, keep listening to music, and thanks for visiting thetonepoet.com.